First Steps
by a.lakewood
Summary: A song-fic based on Chocolate by Snow Patrol. Clex.


Title: First Steps  
Author: a.lakewood  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: none  
Summary: A song-fic based on Chocolate by Snow Patrol. 

_This could be the very minute  
I'm aware I'm alive__  
All these places feel like home_

I flew today. I, Clark Kent – not Kal-El. Never have I felt as alive as I did in that moment I realized I was above the skyscrapers of Metropolis. I visited foreign cities Lex told me about. Paris, London, Rome, a handful of other historical sites...your basic European tour. And every place – I felt like I belonged. True stories from Lex's mouth, either describing historical battles or simply a day he'd spent there, made me feel that way.

The first day we met...going over the guard rails of the bridge and into the river – hauling his water-logged, slack body onto the muddy bank; my mouth on his, returning life and breath to his body, and his eyes on mine minutes later – Lex's eyes, Lex's mouth, made me feel like I belonged. Made me feel like I was home.

_With a name I'd never chosen  
I can make my first steps__  
As a child of 25_

A full decade of hiding who I really am. Or, rather, who Kal-El really is. It was easier to keep up pretenses when they weren't separate. Mom helped me with – helped me to devise a way for me to protect the people of Metropolis without revealing what I really am. A way to save Lex from this path he's going down. Today, I become Superman.

I never asked for this.

_This is the straw, final straw in the  
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you__  
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean__  
I didn't enjoy it at the time_

I overheard Lois talking to Perry about a lead concerning the "underhanded business practices of LuthorCorp," to use Lois's words, how one of LuthorCorp's new facilities – the recycling plant – is a cover for Lex's new science lab where he'll be experimenting with new prototypes of LuthorCorp products and technologies.

My first visit to Lex's as Superman was to call him on this – to find out if there was any truth behind Lois's allegations. I landed on the balcony of his penthouse, knocked loudly on the glass of the French doors. Pushing aside a sheer curtain, Lex looked at me – at Superman – eyebrows drawn in confusion and recognition in his eyes. He opened the door, stepped to the side, and let me in.

"Superman," he said, an almost amused tone in his voice. "Have we met before?"

"No, Le- Luthor." I could've smacked myself for the slip. If Lois was right, Lex's fall is starting – the prophecy on the cave walls is coming true.

Lex looked content with that. As much as we argued about truths and lies, we were always ready to believe the biggest lies we told each other and ourselves. Especially the lie that there was nothing between us. Lana and Lex's various wives or conquests only served as fronts, served as ways to keep us from pursuing what we really wanted.

It almost looked like Lex was closing off a part of himself as we spoke – closing off the part of his life that included Smallville, me, and all of our lies. I realized, watching all of this happen in his eyes, that the only thing that stood between Lex and his rise as my nemesis was me. It was my choice as to whether Lex reverted to doing the good he'd started in Smallville or whether he followed the dark path that was currently in front of him. It wasn't too late for him to turn back.

Our lies to each other – my lack of trust in him – are what caused this. There was only one thing to do to grant Lex a chance at his salvation. Giving Lex this chance meant that I was risking my own damnation.

I dropped the act. The steely gaze and stoic expression I'd practiced, the posture, the voice. "I don't want to lie anymore, Lex," I said. "Not about what I am...or how I feel about you." I gave him the chance to refuse what I was offering, but he simply smiled and looked relieved. Everything we'd been through in the past was worth that moment. The moment when Lex melted wordlessly into my arms and kissed me.

_You're the only thing that I love  
It scares me more every day__  
On my knees I think clearer_

Clark stood there, mere minutes after walking through the French doors of my balcony, telling me everything I'd ever wanted to hear. Every truth. And I could no longer deny my own, regardless of how much the thought of being as honest as he was being made me terrified. And I kissed him. Drug him down to the floor with me, kneeling on the plush carpet. Pulled away and told him the only thing I could think of. "I love you."

_Goodness knows I saw it coming  
Or at least I'll claim I did__  
But in truth I'm lost for words_

I knew this day would happen sooner or later, but I always assumed that it would be when our friendship or relationship – our _life_ came full circle. When, instead of giving me breath and saving me from the first of many certain-death situations, he'd be taking it away. That was how I'd always envisioned Clark Kent's deepest, darkest secrets being revealed. But on that day...I was completely taken aback.

_What have I done? it's too late for that  
What have I become? truth is nothing yet__  
A simple mistake starts the hardest time__  
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time_

I couldn't change my wrongdoings, but there's hope for the future. I don't have to become my father or that person that Clark always feared I might turn out to be. With Clark, there, so close and warm and...there's no room for anything but the good he is and makes me want to be. Just for the sake of never having him look at me as he did when he first stepped into the penthouse, I'll change. Do as he wants.

Because I love him.


End file.
